Never Eat at Pio Pio

Pio Pio Arlington

Pio Pio is a Peruvian Rotisserie Restaurant located at 3300 Wilson Blvd.  ‘Dine-In — Dine Out — Drive Thru’ is how it’s billed on their website. This is the first of many problems at Pio Pio.

Drive thru? Really? But, really though?

Unless I am ordering a #7 from Taco Bell (soft taco instead, please) or even Starbucks, the drive thru concept should not even be a relevant option. I do not want my rotisserie chicken coming from a drive-thru. Unless it is Chick-fil-A. I would do things for Chick-fil-A. Let’s take a look at their drive-thru.

Pio Pio Arlington

Would you order from this drive-thru?

 

Let’s talk Restaurant 101. I am no expert but I am pretty sure location has something to do with how successful a restaurant becomes. McDonalds sells hamburgers but they are in the business of real estate. All their locations are conveniently located spots for commuters and hurried workers on their lunch break. Location is especially important when it comes to location relevant to a direct competitor.

El Pollo Rico is literally across the street from Pio Pio. Why would you ever open up your restaurant next to your biggest competitor? Maybe they thought they could compete with EPR? Joke.

Every time I have driven by Pio Pio it is empty. Empty except for this dumb bird (no, not this one) outside. Let’s take a look.

Pio Pio Arlington

This looks like this was done by high school kids and they just kind of gave up halfway through constructing this thing. Should we leave this thing sticking out of its chest? Sure, nobody will know. All the materials were bought at Michael’s and the bird was put together in the dark by people with their eyes closed. This devil bird is what nightmares are made of.

But do not listen to me. Let’s see what Yelp thinks (sorted by 5 most recent reviews):

Pio Pio Arlington“No wonder why 12:30pm there’s only me and one another customer.”

Pio Pio ArlingtonThis Yelp reviewer only has three reviews…and all three are Peruvian Rotisserie Restaurants! Dear Miss, you must eat something other than Peruvian chicken once in a while, it is not healthy! This review is quite fishy.

Pio Pio Arlington

Low prices seem to be a common theme here. I wonder if they are trying to compete on price….as compared to quality?

Pio Pio Arlington

To recap, you see a restaurant that you crave (so I am guessing you have been there before) and then you realize they don’t have something that they’ve ever had. Okay, moving on.

“I asked for some extra sauces, which he gave me w/o charging extra (some places do that).” Really? Pollo Rico does not do that. And while we are on the topic of sides, people that go to a Peruvian chicken restaurant for the side dishes are the worst kind of people. They know the chicken is better. Sides do not make the meal. The chicken makes the meal. Inferior chicken can be avoided. Unless you are with a hipster Peruvian chicken aficionado who loads up on the sides and boastfully clamors on about the quality of the yucca fries. Get a life.

Pio Pio Arlington

Poophole. That’s a new one. It looks like this person actually just got towed from Pio Pio, but has never eaten there. I have no sympathy for those that are victims to predatory towing (Myself included. I was only gone 5 minutes!). It is what it is. I am just happy there is still surface parking to be towed from in Clarendon/Virginia Square.

In conclusion:

— There is never anyone there
— They offer inferior chicken at reduced prices
— There is a drive thru. For Peruvian chicken. Yikes.

Bring back the Dunkin’ Donuts already.